Walking into your first mediation can feel unfamiliar, but a little planning goes a long way. Mediation is a guided conversation aimed at finding practical solutions everyone can live with. You don’t have to arrive with all the answers. You just need clear goals, key documents, and an open, steady mindset. If you have scheduling or logistics questions about your session with Janet Metcalf, confirm them ahead of time so you can focus on the conversation, not the calendar.
Think of this as a working meeting. You’ll share information, explore options, and test what might work in real life. The mediator’s role is to keep things organized and productive. Your role is to come prepared, listen actively, and speak honestly about what matters to you.
Use the following mediation preparation checklist to get ready:
- Define your top three goals and the issues you need to resolve (for example: parenting time, a payment schedule, or a timeline for next steps).
- Gather documents: recent pay stubs, bank statements, a simple budget, property or loan information, schedules, and any prior agreements.
- Draft a brief timeline of key events and deadlines that affect your decisions (school dates, lease renewals, planned travel).
- List your practical needs and nice-to-haves. Note where you can be flexible and where you cannot.
- Prepare a few solution ideas you could live with, not just your ideal outcome.
- Write down questions for the mediator about process, confidentiality, and how proposals are recorded.
- Confirm logistics: location or video link, session length, breaks, and whether you may bring notes.
- Plan child care and work coverage so you won’t be rushed or distracted.
Mindset matters. Try framing concerns as interests instead of positions. “I need a predictable schedule so our child has a routine” invites options; “I must have every weekend” narrows them. If emotions rise, ask for a short break, drink water, and write down your next point before you speak. It’s fine to take a moment. Productive pacing often leads to better agreements.
Expect both joint discussions and, sometimes, private meetings with the mediator. Private time lets you reality-test ideas and talk through stumbling blocks. It’s normal to adjust your proposals as you learn more. Bringing a notepad helps you track offers, questions, and follow-ups.
Be specific when you can. Instead of “We’ll split costs,” consider “We’ll share activity fees 50/50, due on the 1st of each month, with receipts exchanged by email.” Specifics reduce confusion later. If you’re unsure about a detail, flag it for further review rather than guessing.
For virtual sessions, test your camera and microphone, close unrelated tabs, and choose a quiet, private spot. Keep your documents organized in a single folder on your device or in a labeled binder. Name files clearly so you can pull them up quickly.
It’s okay if you don’t settle everything in one day. Many matters resolve in steps. Ask how proposals are documented, what happens between sessions, and the best way to exchange any additional information. Before you leave, make sure you understand next steps, target dates, and who will draft any written summary.
Finally, remember this is general information, not legal advice. If you want individualized guidance for your situation, consider scheduling a consultation with a lawyer. A little preparation, a clear plan, and a calm approach will help you use mediation time wisely and keep momentum toward a workable outcome.
Documents & Financial Records to Bring
Bringing the right paperwork sets the stage for a calm, efficient discussion. You don’t need a briefcase full of originals, just clear, recent information that helps everyone work from the same facts. Think about what will show income, expenses, assets, and debts in a straightforward way. If you’re unsure whether something is useful, bring it. It’s easier to set a document aside than to pause the conversation while you try to find it later.
Start with income. Recent pay statements—usually the last two or three—show current earnings, benefits, and deductions. If you receive bonuses, commissions, or tips, include something that reflects those amounts, even if they vary. Tax returns from the last two years help fill in gaps and provide context. If you’re self‑employed or a contractor, a simple year‑to‑date profit and loss summary, 1099s, and recent bank deposits can give a practical snapshot of what you actually take home. Don’t worry about perfect formatting; clarity matters more than presentation.
Next, outline your cash flow. Bank statements for the last few months reveal typical income and spending patterns and can highlight automatic payments that need attention in any plan you create. If you use multiple accounts—checking, savings, or payment apps—note where regular bills are paid from so you can spot any transfers that should be adjusted. A one‑page budget, even a basic one, goes a long way in testing whether an idea discussed in the room will work in real life.
Gather information on debts. A recent statement for each account is usually enough: mortgage or home equity lines, credit cards, auto loans, student loans, and personal loans. Look for the current balance, interest rate, and minimum payment. If you don’t have a statement handy, write down your best estimate and who the lender is; you can always update the exact numbers later. If a payment is temporarily deferred or in forbearance, make a note so any proposal accounts for that timing.
For assets, think about anything with value that may affect planning. A recent mortgage statement or lease clarifies housing obligations. Vehicle titles or registrations, plus the latest loan statement if there is one, help sort out transportation costs. Retirement accounts, pensions, brokerage accounts, and health savings or flexible spending accounts are easier to discuss when you have the most recent summary page showing balances and, if applicable, contributions. If you hold funds in a payment app or digital wallet, capture a current balance screen for reference.
It’s also helpful to have documents related to ongoing household and child‑related expenses. Health insurance premium pages, childcare invoices, extracurricular activity fees, and typical medical copays or prescriptions paint a realistic picture of monthly needs. If you share costs now, a few recent receipts or summaries can clarify what’s been working and what might be adjusted. When exact records are hard to pull together, a written estimate with how you calculated it can keep momentum while you track down details between sessions.
Bring any written agreements, prior orders, or letters that touch on the issues you plan to discuss, as well as calendars for work, school, and travel. Even a simple month‑at‑a‑glance printout can make scheduling conversations faster and more concrete. If you have privacy concerns, ask ahead of time about redacting sensitive information. Often, the last four digits of an account number and the relevant balances are all that’s needed.
A little organization goes a long way. Create a single digital folder or a slim binder labeled by topic—income, banking, debts, assets, schedules—so you can pull up what you need without breaking the flow. Clear file names help during virtual sessions. If you’re meeting at Janet Metcalf and aren’t sure how much to bring, err on the side of including it; the mediator can help sort what’s relevant. This section pairs naturally with your mediation preparation checklist: gather the core numbers, note anything missing, and come ready to discuss workable ranges. This is general information, not legal advice, and the specifics of what you should share may vary by situation. If you have questions about what’s appropriate to provide, ask before your session so you can focus on productive problem‑solving once you’re in the room.
How to Define Your Goals & Priorities
Clear goals keep mediation focused and efficient. They help you speak to what matters, evaluate proposals quickly, and leave with next steps you understand. Think of goals as the outcomes you’d like to reach, and priorities as the order and firmness of those goals. When you prepare for a session at Janet Metcalf, a little thoughtful planning upfront will make the conversation smoother and more productive.
Start by shifting from positions to interests. A position sounds like “I want every weekend.” An interest sounds like “Our child needs a consistent routine and time with both parents.” Interests invite options, and options create room for agreement. Write your goals in plain language that reflects those interests. “A school-night schedule with predictable handoffs” is easier to work with than “more time.” For financial topics, “A payment plan that fits my budget and pays down the balance within 12 months” provides a concrete target.
Make goals specific and testable. If you can put dates, amounts, or measurable terms to a goal, do it. “Exchange at 5:30 p.m. on Fridays at the community center” beats “Friday evenings somewhere convenient.” “Share unreimbursed medical costs 50/50 within 14 days of receipt by email” beats “Split extras.” Specifics reduce confusion later and make it easier to draft a written summary you can follow.
Rank your priorities before you arrive. Identify your must-haves, your would-like-to-haves, and areas where you can be flexible. Keep the list short enough to remember without notes. If safety, a child’s routine, or housing stability is at stake, name that clearly so you and the mediator can keep it front and center. If two goals conflict—say, minimizing travel time while keeping a particular pickup location—note which one matters more and why. That way, if you need to trade, you’ll know what to protect.
Prepare realistic ranges instead of a single number or schedule. For example, “I can manage support between X and Y based on my budget,” or “Either midweek dinner or alternating Sunday afternoons could work.” Ranges show flexibility and make it easier to find overlap. Bring the short facts that support your range—recent pay stubs, a simple budget, or a school calendar—so you can test proposals quickly without guesswork.
Consider timing and sequencing. Some goals depend on others. A transition plan might come before a long-term schedule. A temporary payment may bridge to a final amount when a lease renews or a seasonal income change settles. If you anticipate a change—new job hours, an upcoming move, a program enrollment—flag the date. Timelines help you design steps that fit real life rather than forcing a one-size-fits-all solution.
Reality-test your ideas. For schedules, map a week to see where handoffs or bedtime routines get tight. For money, do the math on take-home pay, fixed bills, and typical monthly extras. If an offer looks good in the room but fails on paper, it’s okay to say you need to adjust. The mediator expects proposals to evolve as facts become clearer.
Plan how you’ll communicate your priorities. Short, specific statements are best: “My top priority is a predictable school-night routine because of homework and sleep,” or “I can increase payments in July when my overtime starts.” Invite clarity by asking, “Can we write that out with dates and times?” If emotions rise, ask for a short break and jot down your next point. Steady pacing often leads to better outcomes.
Tie your goals back to the mediation preparation checklist you’ve already built. The documents and dates you gathered will support your priorities and help the mediator keep the conversation organized. This is general information, not legal advice. If you want guidance tailored to your situation, consider speaking with a lawyer before or after your session so your goals reflect both practical needs and the legal context you’re navigating.
What to Expect in the Mediation Process
Mediation is a structured, private conversation led by a neutral mediator who helps you organize issues, exchange information, and explore solutions. When you arrive—either in person or by video—you’ll typically review how the process works and sign basic paperwork that explains ground rules and confidentiality. The mediator’s job is to guide the discussion and keep it productive. Your job is to share facts, express your priorities, and consider options. Taking five minutes the night before to review your mediation preparation checklist can help you walk in calm and focused.
The session usually begins with a brief overview from the mediator about roles, expectations, and the day’s agenda. Each person then gets uninterrupted time to explain what they hope to accomplish. This isn’t a debate; it’s a chance to map the topics that matter—like parenting schedules, timelines, or how to handle certain expenses—so the conversation follows a logical path. If you have a concise summary of your goals, bring it out early. It makes it easier for the mediator to structure the order of discussion.
Next comes information sharing. You’ll review the essential facts that support the decisions you’re trying to make. That could be pay stubs and a simple budget when discussing payments, or a school calendar when mapping caregiving time. The mediator may ask clarifying questions or suggest small pauses to verify numbers. This isn’t to challenge you; it’s to ensure that any idea that sounds good in the room will also work outside it.
With a shared factual picture, the mediator will help frame issues into workable questions. Instead of “Who gets every weekend?” you might hear, “What weekday routine best supports homework and sleep, and how do we balance weekends so everyone gets time that matters to them?” Brainstorming follows. You’ll test different schedules, payment timelines, or step-by-step transitions. The mediator will reality‑test ideas—asking how pick‑ups fit with work hours, or whether a proposal matches your monthly budget—so that options stay practical.
Private meetings, often called caucuses, may be used during the session. These are confidential conversations with the mediator where you can explore concerns, think through proposals, and talk candidly about what would help you move forward. The mediator won’t share what you say in a private meeting unless you allow it. If you’re unsure how confidentiality works in your setting, ask at the start so you can use private time effectively.
As options take shape, the mediator will help you build proposals. You may compare two or three versions side by side—adjusting dates, amounts, or handoff times—until one is workable. Expect some give and take. Many people find it helpful to work in ranges rather than absolutes, test the math on paper, and then refine. Breaks are normal and often useful; stepping away for a few minutes can help you return with a clearer head.
If you reach agreement on some or all issues, the mediator can draft a written summary of terms for everyone to review. You’ll have a chance to read it carefully, ask questions about any unclear language, and request edits for accuracy. Some people choose to take the draft to a lawyer for independent advice before signing anything formal. That’s a common and sensible step if you want individualized guidance.
Not everything has to be resolved in one sitting. If more work is needed, you’ll leave with clear next steps—what information to gather, what to think through at home, and when you’ll meet again. Between sessions, you might test a proposed schedule for a few weeks or collect missing documents so the next conversation starts on solid footing. If you’re meeting at Janet Metcalf, ask how to share documents securely and how scheduling is handled so you can keep momentum.
Every mediation has its own pace, but most follow this rhythm: set the agenda, share information, generate options, negotiate details, and capture progress in writing. If you keep your goals visible, use your checklist to stay organized, and speak to what will work in real life, you’ll make steady use of the process—even if final decisions arrive in steps. This is general information to help you prepare, not legal advice for your situation.
How to Communicate Effectively During Mediation
Good communication in mediation isn’t about winning a debate. It’s about making yourself understood, understanding the other person, and helping the mediator turn everyone’s priorities into practical options. Plain language works best. Instead of “This is unfair,” try “My budget allows X per month, and here’s why.” Swapping broad statements for specifics keeps the conversation grounded and makes it easier to test ideas against schedules and numbers in real time.
Listen actively before you respond. A simple summary—“I’m hearing that after‑school pickups are tough on Tuesdays because of work”—does two things: it shows respect and gives the other person a chance to confirm or clarify. If you’re not sure you understood, ask a focused question like, “Is the main issue the pickup time or the location?” Clarifying questions narrow the problem to something solvable and prevent talking past each other.
Speak to interests, not positions. Positions sound fixed (“I need every weekend”), while interests explain the why (“I’d like more weekend time for activities we do together”). Interests create room for options. Short “I” statements help: “I need a predictable school‑night routine for homework and sleep,” or “I can increase payments in July when overtime starts.” If you catch yourself repeating a point, try reframing it into a need or a constraint the mediator can work with.
Keep your pace steady. If emotions run high, ask for a brief pause, jot down your next point, and take a sip of water. Arriving with your mediation preparation checklist can double as a speaking guide—bullet your top three priorities and the facts that support them so you can return to your list when the conversation gets complex. It’s fine to say, “I need a minute to look at my notes,” or “Can we write that out with dates and amounts?” Slowing down often leads to clearer decisions.
Use private meetings with the mediator wisely. In a caucus, you can float ideas you’re unsure about, talk through concerns, or ask how to present a proposal constructively. If confidentiality rules aren’t clear, ask at the start of the session. A helpful approach is to share your bottom‑line constraints, the ranges you can consider, and one or two trade‑offs you’re willing to explore, then invite the mediator’s help in shaping those into options for the joint discussion.
Mind your nonverbal signals, especially online. Choose a quiet, private spot; keep your camera at eye level; and close unrelated apps so you’re not distracted. In person, sit comfortably, keep your notes organized, and avoid interrupting—even small overlaps can feel bigger in a structured discussion. When you disagree, aim for neutral phrasing: “I see the goal. The timing doesn’t work with my shift. Could we try a 5:30 p.m. handoff or adjust the location to cut travel?” Neutral language keeps doors open.
Ask solution‑oriented questions that move the conversation forward: “What would make that workable for you?” “If not this amount, what range fits your budget?” “Could we test this schedule for 30 days and review with the school calendar?” As proposals take shape, ask the mediator to capture details—dates, times, amounts, who does what, and how information will be exchanged. If you’re meeting at Janet Metcalf, you can also ask about how to document next steps between sessions so momentum continues. This is general information to help you prepare, not legal advice for your situation.
